Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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