i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize