Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
