Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
