Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
