She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
