I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
