And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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