i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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