I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
