i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize