I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
