Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
