a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
