So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
