Whod you bang
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
