Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
