can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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