I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the day after is always just damage control
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
