Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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