I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
