He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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