I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
