I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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