I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
