my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
