I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
