Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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