Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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