I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
