It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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