She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize