I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
