I want to have your abortion
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im part way to drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
