i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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