So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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