were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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