I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
