we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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