Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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