I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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