after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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