Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
