Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
