did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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