The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
