i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
