Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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