I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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