did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
