We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
