I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
