I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
