he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize