Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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