I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
