meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
