There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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