highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
