Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
