So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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