i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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