Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
