currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
